Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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