come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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