I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize