I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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