I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
