well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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