i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
