awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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