we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am available for nakedness
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
