Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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