my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
