Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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