if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
