just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
