I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If I die, sorry about rent.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
