i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
