You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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