our cab driver is having phone sex.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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