dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
