i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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