Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
pray to the hookup gods
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
