I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
