Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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