I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
