New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
