I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
