I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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