So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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