Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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