Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize