Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
