$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
