Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
