im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
