UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
