i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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