Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
