the condom got lost in my hair
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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