You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
