its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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