If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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