It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
