You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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