HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
