So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
