Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
