Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
