why didn't you poke me back
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
