I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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