You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize