Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
