Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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