i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
