So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
