Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
