idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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