Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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