...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize