my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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