either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
