If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
