I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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