I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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