Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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