dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
