i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
