i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
