I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
