what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
