Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
