i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
