Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
