I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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