He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
